For some inexplicable reason I feel like I’m pissed or maybe just very worried, though I don’t know for what. It’s so bad right now that I feel weak, and my stomach is hurting. I feel like I’m in some sort of daze. I can’t comprehend why I’m like this. Maybe it’s just lack of sleep. But I still don’t understand why I feel worried or pissed, whichever or if it’s both of these emotions. At the moment there’s no real reason why I should be feeling either……I don’t know has anyone ever felt this way?

Maybe I’m still just feeling this from earlier. Like this morning, I went out to the mailbox with our 3 month puppy. On our way back our next door neighbor asked, “Shouldn’t you have that dog on a leash?” I wouldn’t normally be pissed off at a comment like that, but with the tone she said it in and the look she gave me, it did. Course I just smiled regardless of what I felt, and said in a friendly tone, “He’s only a puppy he’s not going to run off.” Her reply, “He should still be on a leash.” Ok so he should, but I only went out to the mailbox which is pretty close so I saw no need to put his leash on him. Honestly, it was her attitude that really just pissed me off.

I’m just a little more sensitive than usual I guess. I didn’t get no more than 3 hours of sleep and when I tried to take a nap I kept being rudely awoken by my annoying cousins and loud barking. Plus I was worried that the dogs might get into some trouble when they went out for a walk earlier, always am actually, especially when I‘m not around to make sure that everything is secure and they won‘t get into trouble.

God, I really need to find something that can relax me during these times. Especially when I’m on the verge of a panic/anxiety attack, don’t get me wrong the breathing exercises work, but there should be something else I can do. Like for when I really want to hurt something or someone….Anyways, I’m feeling a lot better. It’s good to get things off your chest like this.

Oh, also thanks to all of you replied to my previous journal. I haven’t finished watching every suggestion, but I will get around to it. I’m watching the first episode of each anime whenever I have the time and finishing series I‘ve already started.

As for commissions they’re closed now. I’ll open them again, I just don’t know when. For the people who’ve already commissioned me, I’m working on them, a bit slower than I would’ve thought, but I’ll get them done hopefully by this month. I’m sorry for making you all wait.

I’m also working on some stuff. Like practicing with graffiti. I suck, but I’m trying so hopefully I’ll be able to incorporate some of it into my art soon. That would be cool since I’m trying to expand into other areas too. I’m pretty insane to be wanting to do all this, but I want to and hopefully I’ll find the right motivation that’ll get me moving. Which makes me wonder, what motivates you?